sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
