Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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