I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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