the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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