I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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