quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
