DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
