I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
