The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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