Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
