Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize