hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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