Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize