Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
