I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
