If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
