If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Sorry my hands just texted you
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
