One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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