you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
