She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
