I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
