in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
As shirtless as possible
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
