wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
