i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
