hell yes lets make some ravioli
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
