life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
