i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize