worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
