i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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