All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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