I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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