I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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