Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize