I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
