I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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