hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
