ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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