god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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