he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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