i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
