omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
