so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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