i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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