I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
