Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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