I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
