Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
