super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
