I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
