no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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