shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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