he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
