i think my tv is drunk
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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