I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
There r osticjed everywhere
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
