listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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