I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
