Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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