If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
