you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
