turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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