I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
