my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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