i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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