Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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