the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so let's talk penis.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
