bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
