I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
