did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
