I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
