Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
