My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
