Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
