I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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