bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
