my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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