Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
