i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Randomize
