she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
