will power is for people who don't want to get laid
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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